Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
