Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
