Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
