She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
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If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
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So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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