We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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