Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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