i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just had sex on a roof
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
