guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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