my mouth tastes like poor choices
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
