the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
