Where is the hickey?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
