where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
