wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
