lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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