Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
