i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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