he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
