you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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