ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
