So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
