Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
how can u be prego again
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
