it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
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just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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