Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
