so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my shit smells like andre
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
