Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
