Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
