Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
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