She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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