i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
