She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
