1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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