I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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