just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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