she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
