We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
