6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
