I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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