ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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