Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
