the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize