you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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