This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Actions speak louder than pants.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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