onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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