All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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