So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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