Pappa wants mamma naked
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
did i just pee glitter
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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