he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
