An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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