I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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