Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth