Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.