we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.