Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed