just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.