I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
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He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
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we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies