It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
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Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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