True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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