Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
