At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
