party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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