he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
