apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
