He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
