when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize