Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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