ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
