he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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