I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs