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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  This explains a lot.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...

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• (862): View more from New Jersey

  I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.

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• (209): View more from California

  Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime

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