Swine flu. Run for my life!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"