So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
