and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
