i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
