I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
