If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize