Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
