You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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