I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
