my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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